Oklahoma divorce information

As many people experience throughout the United States, separation and divorce is difficult, stressful, and rarely a pleasant experience. This situation becomes so much more emotional when children are involved in the separation and divorce and visitation in Oklahoma must be worked out.

Even though a divorce is not a positive experience, it is very important to not let emotions affect child custody and visitation. Being strong and supportive of your children while maintaining consistency is essential in ensuring your children are not harmed in the process.

There are many ways you and your spouse can handle custody time positively for the benefit of your children. Knowing the ways and actually practicing them are very different. It is going to be hard to remain calm and collected, especially during the first few custody transfers. Remembering that you are doing this for your children and what’s best for them — as well as the following tips — should help maintain a healthy visitation practice.

Create Common Goals

First, it is important for you and the other parent to discuss goals of visitation. These goals should be similar to the following:

• Encouragement of visitation
• Encouragement of child development
• Reassurance to your child that loving both parents is OK
• Maintain respect between you and the other parent
• Practice consistency with discipline and values

Having common goals helps your child feel secure and prevents confusion when transitioning between each parent’s home. Consistency is one of the most important elements to a child’s feeling of love, attachment and security. Above all, consistency should be stressed the most.

Discussing these topics prior to visitation, or even after visitation has begun, ensures both parents are on the same page and want what’s best for their children.

Make Visitation a Positive Experience

It is not your child’s fault that you and the other parent separated, so don’t force them to experience the consequences of your relationship coming to an end. You may still have feelings of anger or resentment toward your previous partner, but don’t let that reflect in your parenting. While the other parent may not be a great partner, it is possible that they are a great parent. Try and keep this in mind when handling visitation.

Here are some great ways that you and the other parent can work together and foster a positive visitation experience:

• Remember to remain flexible — rigidity causes disagreements and unreasonable expectations.
• Maintain respect always, even when your children are not present.
• Make sure your child feels safe in your home and the other parent’s home. There should be a space that is “just theirs” in each home so the child has a place that is comforting and all their own.
• Create and stick to dependable routines. Your child should be able to count on you and the other parent to pick up at the same time each week, have both parents work together to bring their child to sports practices, or be able to call you and the other parent at regular times.
• Maintain open communication. For example, if you bring your child to the doctor and they have strep throat, make sure to let the other parent know, especially if your child was put on antibiotics.  Similarly, if your child’s teacher mentions that your child is struggling in a particular subject, make sure you let the other parent know so they can be involved in the solution.
• Do not triangulate with your child. Don’t use your child as a messenger between you and the other parent. That’s what e-mail, mail, or attorneys are for.
• Aim to make every drop-off and pick-up smooth and without incident.
• Encourage visitation with other family members. This is an issue that commonly gets overlooked. Family members did not go through the divorce or separation, your child probably wants to stay in contact still.  This, too, creates a sense of consistency.
• Both you and the other parent should help your child meet new friends in the neighborhood if one or both of you moved after the separation.
• Keep each other updated on contact information, trip information and school information.
• Don’t purposely schedule activities to interfere with the other parent’s visitation time.
• Never withhold visitation or phone calls to the other parent. This can be extremely damaging to your child.
• Do not attempt to “buy” your child’s love through toys, vacations or other things of value.

All of this should encourage you and your spouse to make visitation a way of life, to normalize visitation. Both of you should support the relationship between your child and the other parent as much as possible. This relationship is extremely important to your child’s sense of self and feelings of attachment.

Because the relationship between your child and both parents is so important, do not ever use visitation as a reward or punishment. It should be something your child can rely on. Normalizing visitation often helps children cope and adjust to a break-up. Do not impact your child negatively in the process.

Initial Consultation with a Tulsa Child Custody Attorney

Consulting with an attorney as soon as possible in this situation is very important in order to make sure your visitation schedule is in your child’s best interest. An attorney can help you discuss the current visitation and future visitation plans, and advise you on what to expect at the child custody hearing.

Hiring a knowledgeable and compassionate family law attorney will ensure the process is expertly conducted and your interests are well represented.

Contact an experienced Tulsa family law attorney when you need to go through the Oklahoma divorce process.

For a low-cost confidential consultation, call now: (918) 924-5526.

Now that you and your ex-spouse have completed your divorce, the spousal support should start if it hasn’t already. However, if your spouse claims that they lost their job and cannot pay alimony, this could put you in a difficult situation, a situation that only your skillful divorce attorney can assist through a process called imputation.

If your previous spouse legitimately lost their job and is actively looking for employment, then the absence of spousal support may or may not be ordered and is typically only temporary. However, if your spouse purposely quit their job, purposely was fired, or is not putting effort into finding employment, the court in Oklahoma could “impute wages” and force him to pay alimony if your divorce attorney files an imputation motion.

Financial Obligation

The number one concern of a divorcing couple is going from one household with two incomes to two households with one income in each. While this can be stressful, it is important to remember that all parents have a financial obligation to their children, and the spouse that makes more income pays child support to the other parent.

It is very common for parents to withhold child support or spousal support from the other parent if they are angry or upset. However, as your divorce attorney will tell you, withholding child support is essentially withholding funds for the benefit of your child, and is not allowed under Oklahoma law if an order is in place.

Imputing Wages

When a court chooses to impute wages, they are ordering one spouse to pay spousal and/or child support based on the assumption that the paying spouse is working, even though they are not. The court bases the decision to impute income on the fact the spouse could and should be earning.

Another assumption the court makes when imputing income is that the parent is completely capable of working and thus capable of paying child support and/or spousal support.

Amount of Imputation

The amount of income imputed to the other spouse is based on the guideline base income plus factors the court takes into consideration. The baseline amount is minimum wage at 40 hours per week.

The factors the court considers are:

• Whether the parent is purposely or voluntarily unemployed.
• Whether there is in fact no evidence of income (lack of pay stubs, tax documents).
• Past Employment.
• Ex-Spouse’s past education, training and ability.
• Lifestyle of ex-spouse.
• Whether the ex-spouse cares for a handicapped or seriously ill family member or child.

Conditions of Imputation

Even though this sounds like an easy thing for your divorce attorney to accomplish, there are a few conditions that must be met before a court will consider this motion. First, the imputation of income must be fair and reasonable. A court will not impute income if the parent legitimately cannot obtain employment, did not voluntarily quit, or has a significant financial hardship.

Second, this option is only available for ex-spouses that are voluntarily unemployed or under employed, this is an important concept to remember.

Initial Consultation with a Tulsa Divorce Attorney

Consulting with an attorney as soon as possible in this situation is very important in order to make sure you and your child receive the financial support that you deserve. An attorney can help you prepare for an imputation of income order, collect evidence, and advise you on what to expect at the hearing.

Hiring a knowledgeable and compassionate family law attorney will ensure the process is expertly conducted and your interests are well represented.

Contact an experienced Tulsa family law attorney when you need to go through the Oklahoma divorce process.

For a low-cost confidential consultation, call now: (918) 924-5526.

Many divorcing couples consider hiring one attorney for both spouses as a way to cut down on costs, create less paperwork, and reduce complications. This may sound great, however, ethically attorneys cannot represent both spouses in a divorce action. But there are other options available, especially in Oklahoma — like mediation.

This may not seem like a big ethical concern. However, the Oklahoma State Bar as well as many other state bars believe it is a serious issue for one attorney to represent opposing parties.

For example, if an attorney represented you and your spouse, and your spouse told your attorney that they are going to construct a structure on the property. This construction would have the negative consequence of driving down the family home value. Yet,  your spouse tells the attorney not to tell you about it. Where does the attorney place their loyalty?

This is why having your own attorney fighting for your interests is necessary in a divorce case. However, if you and your spouse are on good terms and think a neutral third party can help you navigate the divorce process effectively, then you should consider mediation.

Mediation

Mediation is a straight-forward process where both spouses meet with a third party called a mediator. They are often attorneys, too. The mediator can assist you and your spouse in completing the divorce process, including paperwork and filing requirements.

The mediator can also help settle key issues in a divorce case such as:

• How to divide assets and debts
• Custody decisions
• Parenting plans
• Visitation
• Child support
• Spousal support

The mediator is able to give general legal information, case law, statutes, etc., but cannot give you advice. Legal advice must only come from a divorce attorney, by law.

Mediator verses Separate Attorneys

As previously mentioned, a lot of mediators — especially divorce mediators — are attorneys, but you can have a mediator as well as an attorney in your corner. A mediator facilitates communication, a divorce attorney advocates on your behalf. A divorce attorney can give you advice on what to ask for and what to compromise on, a mediator can tell you legal information only.

Hiring a mediator during the divorce process, whether you have a divorce attorney or not, produces positive results such as:

• Keeping fees low — the less you are in the courtroom, the less expensive your bill will be.
• Less stress — the mediator helps effective communication take place.
• Your divorce case is shorter — having effective communication increases compromises which leads to a faster settlement.
• Using a mediator keeps you out of the courtroom.
• In general, both parties end up feeling more satisfied with the result when they feel they had a hand in negotiating.

The Mediation Process

The mediation process is quite simple and usually only takes one or two sessions with the mediator to complete. First, the mediator will introduce themselves to both spouses, lay out ground rules, explain how the session will run, and ask for questions from both spouses.

Next, the mediator will either ask one spouse to leave the room or ask one spouse to give an opening statement concerning what is most important for them to accomplish in the session. Depending on the mediator, they may want all discussion to be on a one-on-one basis instead of with the other spouse present. Your divorce attorney can also attend the mediation sessions.

Both spouses will have a chance for an opening statement, in each other’s presence or not, and then the mediator will start going down the list of issues that are unsolved pertaining to the divorce action. The mediator with meet with each spouse separately numerous times trying to reach a compromise on the outstanding issues and encourage a settlement.

A settlement eventually is reached, there is a high success rate for mediated divorces, and a marital settlement agreement is signed by both parties. A marital settlement agreement is not appealable, so once you sign, you are finished with the divorce process!

Initial Consultation with a Tulsa Divorce Attorney

Consulting with an attorney as soon as possible in this situation is very important in order to preserve your rights and make sure terms of your settlement are fair. An attorney can help you prepare for a mediation session and advise you on what to expect during the mediation session.

Hiring a knowledgeable and compassionate family law attorney will ensure the process is expertly conducted and your interests are well represented.

Contact an experienced Tulsa family law attorney when you need to go through the Oklahoma divorce process.

For a low-cost confidential consultation, call now: (918) 924-5526.

There is something about divorce that brings out the worst in some people. This is an unfortunate byproduct of an unhappily married couple — It is common for unhappy couples to bring their relationships issues into divorce proceedings. When one spouse is more difficult than the other, this always results in more difficult divorce proceedings in Oklahoma.

This article is here to help you gain control over your difficult spouse during a divorce, and keep you calm and collected during the process. Following these three steps could produce an easier and more successful outcome.

Rise Above

It is very easy when dealing with a difficult spouse during a divorce to stoop to their level and be difficult as well. If they choose to “fight dirty,” it only seems fair that you get too as well.

Wrong. You do not want to meet their uncooperative behavior with your unwillingness to compromise. Rise above your difficult spouse’s behavior.

“Be the bigger person” is a phrase that is commonly used in this situation. Being the bigger person means to remain respectful, follow every court order (even if your spouse is not), and do not make any false accusations. You may think you are doing the right thing by accusing your spouse of something he didn’t do, but judges are smart, and justice eventually prevails.

Don’t play games with your spouse. If you see yourself fighting for a worn-out old couch “for the principle of it,” it’s time to move on. No couch is worth your time, your divorce attorney’s time, or your sanity.

Additionally, when you have a difficult spouse during a divorce and there are children involved, often children end up getting used against the opposing spouse. Judges tend to see right through these antics and will not allow it to continue. Trust in your divorce attorney and the judge to handle the issue. Do not start using the children against your difficult spouse.

Keep a Journal

This can be a crucial step in the process when you have a difficult spouse in a divorce. Journaling all of your spouse’s actions — even if they don’t seem relevant — is very useful. Creating a document outlining your spouse’s actions and behaviors can serve as evidence later on.

For example, a difficult spouse accuses you of not continuing to pay joint bills during the divorce proceedings and demands reimbursement. You can show that you made phones calls (which are logged) to the utility company and cable company and the name of the representative you spoke to. You also will be able to submit a statement showing the bills were paid.

Additionally, once your document has credibility, you can use it to prove when your spouse didn’t show up for a scheduled visitation, if your spouse didn’t return your children on time, or your spouse’s difficult behavior during pick-up.

Always Retain Your Own Attorney

If you have a difficult spouse during a divorce and the divorce has become high-conflict, you need your own attorney. Do not attempt to resolve a high conflict case on your own. You need an advocate on your side aggressively fighting for you.

Going through a divorce alone without an advocate only works when mediation is used and the couple is generally in agreement with more elements of the divorce. The divorce should be simple and uncomplicated, as well as cooperative. If this is not your situation, you need a divorce attorney on your side.

Divorce is a serious matter than can have lasting effects for you and your children. You don’t want to try to complete a divorce on your own. Attorneys attend graduate school full-time for three years and must pass a rigorous exam to practice — Attempting to complete a divorce on your own is strongly not recommended.

Initial Consultation with a Tulsa Divorce Attorney

Consulting an attorney as soon as possible in this situation is very important in order to preserve your rights and make sure terms of your divorce settlement are fair. An attorney can help advocate on your behalf and advise you on what to expect during a high-conflict divorce proceeding.

Hiring a knowledgeable and compassionate family law attorney will ensure the process is expertly conducted and your interests are well represented.

Contact an experienced Tulsa family law attorney when you need to go through the Oklahoma divorce process.

For a low-cost confidential consultation, call now: (918) 924-5526.

In general, parents typically submit a witness statement in Oklahoma along with their motion to change child custody because they support the parents’ reasons for a change in custody. Many of these statements can be used as character statements as well.

There are many benefits of using a witness statement including not only showing a parent’s character, but also provides evidence and can provide context to an issue.

Introducing the Witness Statement

In order to introduce a witness statement, you need to alert the court, which is typically done by your divorce attorney in the form of a motion. However, if your divorce attorney files an emergency motion, you can attach astatement to the motion if it is relevant to the matter in the motion.

When you present a witness statement, make sure you can explain how the statement is relevant and that it highlights your concern and opposing parties actions. Because a judge will not review dozens of statements, make sure to only submit the witness statements you feel are the strongest.

Who May Give a Statement

While anyone can give a witness statement, it is preferred to not submit one that is from a party involved in the proceedings. Additionally, the best witnesses possess the following:

• Directly witnessed something relevant to the divorce case.
• Are believable, consistent, and stable.
• Do not take obvious sides in the divorce proceedings.

In addition to these qualities, witnesses can be:

• Relatives (however it is advised that it not be relatives of the opposing party)
• Friends, neighbors and co-workers
• Children’s teachers, sport coaches, child care providers, and anyone else that has frequent contact with your children
• Experts, such as a psychologist

What to Include in a Witness Statement

While your divorce attorney will help you decide whether to create a witness statement, interview the witness, and construct the statement, it is important to know what you will include. This will help you indicate to your divorce attorney, which witnesses will be helpful and relevant.

The basic foundational elements of a witness statement include:

• Witness name
• How many times the witness has provided a statement in the case
• Number of exhibits
• Date the statement was signed
• All court information

In addition to the foundational elements of the statements, specific information should be included that supports your position. The statement should include:

• The witness’ relationship to the children in the case.
• The witness’ relationship to the parent submitting the statement and the opposing party.
• Views on the kind of contact the other parent is having with the children. For example is the contact to much or too little?  Has the contact increased or decreased? Is the other parent consistent in custody time? If they see any concern with the current custody arrangement.
• If there has been any concerning incidents.
• If the children have discussed issues with the witness.

Including unbiased relevant information, such as facts and situations the witness was present for, are the strongest statements and will carry more weight with the judge.

Statements of Truth

The last page of the statement will contain a statement of truth that your divorce attorney will prepare for you. This statement confirms that the witness’ statement is true and that the witness understands and approves the witness statement.

In addition, when the witness signs the statement of truth, they are certifying that the statement of truth was read to them and that they understand the consequences of giving a false statement. The statement of truth must be signed in the presence of a proper witness.

Initial Consultation with a Tulsa Divorce Attorney

Consulting with an attorney as soon as possible in a divorce case is very important in order to preserve your rights and make sure terms of your divorce settlement are fair. An attorney can help advocate on your behalf, advise you on choosing the best witnesses, and create expert statements for your case.

Hiring a knowledgeable and compassionate family law attorney will ensure the process is expertly conducted and your interests are well represented.

Contact an experienced Tulsa family law attorney when you need to go through the Oklahoma divorce process.

For a low-cost confidential consultation, call now: (918) 924-5526.